Dear Diary,
The new hire starts soon, and I’ve been doing my level best to get the office ready.
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She comes highly recommended by my chief assistant, so I’m very excited. From what I understand, she’s a good girl, so I’ve taken it upon myself to mold her in my a lot of phenomenal kitty modeling image. She will be both my muse and my protégé, because I feel a responsibility to share my breadth of kitty modeling experience with the world.
I want to be a good mentor to her because I never really had one myself (other than Tim Gunn), and you know me; I like to excel at everything.
Of course, she’ll need to learn runway walking, because it’s such an essential skill. A lot of new models incorrectly assume that walking with fierce purr-pose comes naturally, but it actually takes a lot of practice to correctly shake your groove thang.
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Also, in buy to eventually run her own fashion and modeling empire, she’ll need to know how to delegate, because no cat is an island. It takes a team. Behind every successful kitty supermodel is an army of fur stylists, makeup artists, personal chefs, personal trainers, nutritionists and masseuses. The new girl has to know how to dish out orders to keep everyone working at height efficiency.
She also has to know how to lay the smackdown on wannabe divas, which is a skill I learned working with Naomi.
And then, of course, there’s basic fur maintenance, because things happen on the road, and often you don’t have access to your personal stylists. A successful kitty model must know how to take care of their own fur in a pinch, so she must know basic grooming, the value of fish oil for fur vibrancy and fur detangling techniques.
And to be able to keep up with the demands of a fast-paced lifestyle, a kitty supermodel’s body has to be in top-top condition. long hours, jet lag and after-parties come with the territory, so cat naps are important. She’ll also need substantial agility training and experience with parasailing, downhill skiing, surfing, wakeboarding, bungee jumping and zip-lining, because often that’s what it takes get an award-winning shot.
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I just hope she’s as eager to learn as I am to show and allows me to mold her in my stunning image. OK, Diary, good luck to me!
Affectionately yours,
Tabs
